Showing posts with label Fashion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fashion. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
WWZDW?
I'm not very good at picking out clothes or getting dressed in the morning. When attempting to dress cute I ask myself, "What would Zooey Deschanel wear?" A dress with tights. Hats and cardigans are optional.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Indispensable Advice from Women's Magazines
From The Frenemy:
Women’s magazines are expensive. In this economy, I can’t just throw 5 dollars out the window to read 8 discreet ways to have sex in public or what Lauren Conrad’s doing with her hair lately. I know you guys get it. Luckily, I’ve read enough of these gems in the past to describe every issue ever being released this month and the next. Read on and YOU’RE WELCOME:
1. Jennifer Aniston is really hot but she is also very pathetic. We want to have her hairstyle and her arms, but only to carry on her legacy when she dies alone.
2. Red Lipstick doesn’t make you look like a whore. It makes you look like a Southern grandmother, a mid-twenties hipster, or an elegant whore.
3. Know your face shape. Face shapes include: oval, slight oval, circle, and Tyra Banks. This face shape will help you determine the correct sunglasses to buy, haircuts to get, and how many ugly children you might have.
4. Metallics are back this season!
5. When going out to dinner, you must order grilled chicken with dressing on the side. You may have one bite of dessert and only one. But don’t restrict yourself or anything. Now, here is a 500 calorie cocktail called “THE CARRIE.”
6. Buying a stupid little throw pillow is a cheap sexy way to decorate your shitty apartment. Throw some glass marble shit in a vase, too. That’ll help.
7. There are four ways to dress: Romantic florals, Urban Chic, Classic with an Edgy Twist, and wearing your boyfriends t-shirt is sexy.
8. You need to eat salmon. Eat some fucking salmon! It’s full of healthy fats! Come on, eat some egg whites for breakfast! Peanut butter? Only if you measure it!
9. This one time, I wore an embarrassing shirt to work and it was see-through and my boss saw it! Mortified!/This one time, I was “getting it on with my man” and his parents walked in! Mortified!
10. Sending a sexy text to your man will surely get him “fired up” for later tonight. Also getting him fired up? The 86 sex tips we will now tell you.
11. However, all of these 86 sex tips are just variations of: Reverse Cowgirl, something that you need a pillow to prop you up on, or an impossible angle that promises to hit your G-spot.
12. Reason #346 you should be on the pill has nothing to do with the fact that you might have unprotected sex. A lady never has unprotected sex. However, the adjacent advertisement is for Plan B.
13. Buy some fucking boots. Wear them with all the sundresses we encouraged you to buy and a ‘chunky’ sweater and BAM! Summer to fall wardrobe! Jazz hands, statement piece!
14. A great place to meet men is at sports bar. A great place to meet a man is in the park. Don’t ask men out. Don’t be afraid to approach men. Be confident. Be coy. Wear heels. Don’t be overly sexy. Bring girlfriends with you. Don’t bring too many girlfriends with you. A great conversation starter is ____. Be yourself. Here are smoky eye tips. What are lesbians?
15. Bikini waxes really hurt, but if you take Advil before it’s only as painful as getting hit on the face with an icepick. Not getting a bikini wax? Not an option, Chewbacca.
16. My boyfriend looks through my shit/never calls/is secretive/has job stress/sex issue. Should I break up with him? Here is my incredibly nice way of telling you you’re completely fucked, while also assuring you that your Prince Charming is totally out there.
17. Here’s another terrible STD you can die from. There aren’t any symptoms and absolutely no cure. Don’t worry, though. Only 1 in 4 men have it.
18. This is a somber photograph followed by a girl’s story about how a terrible, awful thing happened to her. Here is another story about a congress woman that made it in a man’s world! Here is a 28-year-old with a fashion business! Women don’t get paid as much, and third-world women have it harder. Because these are our serious pages! Followed by raunchy sex tales!
19. HA! You’re going to marry somebody just. like. your. dad.
20. To work out, all you need to do is squat with some pink weights, get a big ass exercise ball and do some half crunches. Don’t forget your kugels, and especially don’t forget your expensive workout sports bra.
21. Quiz: Are you too needy? What’s your first impression? What kind of ice cream are you? Which Vampire hottie is meant for you? What’s your sex position? When will you die?
22. Gratuitous pictures of All-American rugby players with their shirts off.
23. Horoscope shows you will be assertive at work and get some tail.
24. A reference to a Starbucks drink.
25. No fat chicks! But you know, love yourself.
Women’s magazines are expensive. In this economy, I can’t just throw 5 dollars out the window to read 8 discreet ways to have sex in public or what Lauren Conrad’s doing with her hair lately. I know you guys get it. Luckily, I’ve read enough of these gems in the past to describe every issue ever being released this month and the next. Read on and YOU’RE WELCOME:
1. Jennifer Aniston is really hot but she is also very pathetic. We want to have her hairstyle and her arms, but only to carry on her legacy when she dies alone.
2. Red Lipstick doesn’t make you look like a whore. It makes you look like a Southern grandmother, a mid-twenties hipster, or an elegant whore.
3. Know your face shape. Face shapes include: oval, slight oval, circle, and Tyra Banks. This face shape will help you determine the correct sunglasses to buy, haircuts to get, and how many ugly children you might have.
4. Metallics are back this season!
5. When going out to dinner, you must order grilled chicken with dressing on the side. You may have one bite of dessert and only one. But don’t restrict yourself or anything. Now, here is a 500 calorie cocktail called “THE CARRIE.”
6. Buying a stupid little throw pillow is a cheap sexy way to decorate your shitty apartment. Throw some glass marble shit in a vase, too. That’ll help.
7. There are four ways to dress: Romantic florals, Urban Chic, Classic with an Edgy Twist, and wearing your boyfriends t-shirt is sexy.
8. You need to eat salmon. Eat some fucking salmon! It’s full of healthy fats! Come on, eat some egg whites for breakfast! Peanut butter? Only if you measure it!
9. This one time, I wore an embarrassing shirt to work and it was see-through and my boss saw it! Mortified!/This one time, I was “getting it on with my man” and his parents walked in! Mortified!
10. Sending a sexy text to your man will surely get him “fired up” for later tonight. Also getting him fired up? The 86 sex tips we will now tell you.
11. However, all of these 86 sex tips are just variations of: Reverse Cowgirl, something that you need a pillow to prop you up on, or an impossible angle that promises to hit your G-spot.
12. Reason #346 you should be on the pill has nothing to do with the fact that you might have unprotected sex. A lady never has unprotected sex. However, the adjacent advertisement is for Plan B.
13. Buy some fucking boots. Wear them with all the sundresses we encouraged you to buy and a ‘chunky’ sweater and BAM! Summer to fall wardrobe! Jazz hands, statement piece!
14. A great place to meet men is at sports bar. A great place to meet a man is in the park. Don’t ask men out. Don’t be afraid to approach men. Be confident. Be coy. Wear heels. Don’t be overly sexy. Bring girlfriends with you. Don’t bring too many girlfriends with you. A great conversation starter is ____. Be yourself. Here are smoky eye tips. What are lesbians?
15. Bikini waxes really hurt, but if you take Advil before it’s only as painful as getting hit on the face with an icepick. Not getting a bikini wax? Not an option, Chewbacca.
16. My boyfriend looks through my shit/never calls/is secretive/has job stress/sex issue. Should I break up with him? Here is my incredibly nice way of telling you you’re completely fucked, while also assuring you that your Prince Charming is totally out there.
17. Here’s another terrible STD you can die from. There aren’t any symptoms and absolutely no cure. Don’t worry, though. Only 1 in 4 men have it.
18. This is a somber photograph followed by a girl’s story about how a terrible, awful thing happened to her. Here is another story about a congress woman that made it in a man’s world! Here is a 28-year-old with a fashion business! Women don’t get paid as much, and third-world women have it harder. Because these are our serious pages! Followed by raunchy sex tales!
19. HA! You’re going to marry somebody just. like. your. dad.
20. To work out, all you need to do is squat with some pink weights, get a big ass exercise ball and do some half crunches. Don’t forget your kugels, and especially don’t forget your expensive workout sports bra.
21. Quiz: Are you too needy? What’s your first impression? What kind of ice cream are you? Which Vampire hottie is meant for you? What’s your sex position? When will you die?
22. Gratuitous pictures of All-American rugby players with their shirts off.
23. Horoscope shows you will be assertive at work and get some tail.
24. A reference to a Starbucks drink.
25. No fat chicks! But you know, love yourself.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
How to Dress for Hot Summer Weather
Me, Rüdigerhof, originally uploaded by Christian Pitschl.Some excellent tips from Max Read's article on Gawker:
Wear shorts. Shorts are like pants, but shorter. If you're not supposed to wear shorts to work, tattoo the bottom half of your legs the same color as your favorite pair of shorts. You'll thank me later! When you're wearing shorts, at work.
Dress in white. Snow? Polar bears? Refrigerators? What do they have in common? Think about it. One possibility: A wedding gown.
Wear lightweight fabrics. Cotton? Is cotton a light fabric? I dunno. Wool? Try paper. Paper seems pretty light.
Don't wear any clothes at all. I know what you're going to say: "I'll be fired!" "I'll get stared at on the street!" "I'll violate my court order!" But did you ever think: Who gives a shit?
Buy a personal air-conditioner. I think the Sharper Image sells these things? Worst-case scenario, just take your home air conditioner with you outside. Probably you'll need a long extension cord.
Wear a top hat. This is less about the heat, and more that I think top hats are due for a comeback.
Make clothes out of ice. Should be easy to figure out.
Wear loose-fitting clothing. And in the pocket of your loose-fitting clothing, put a one-way plane ticket to Alaska, and then use it, to go to Alaska, where it's less hot, and live there.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Swimsuit Season
An excerpt from Laurie Penny's article "Bikini body, anyone?":
When it finally became popular in the 1960s, the bikini was a symbol of physical liberation, of beautiful women reacting to the stern sexual prudery of previous decades by exposing as much skin to the sun as they pleased. Today, as with many iterations of the sexual emancipation rhetoric of the 1960s, wearing a bikini is no longer associated with pleasure and daring, but with anxiety, dieting rituals and joyless physical performance...The bikini body has become cultural shorthand for a moral standard of female perfection whereby any physical flaw should be regarded as a source of shame, an obstacle to collective fantasies of glamour and happiness.
When it finally became popular in the 1960s, the bikini was a symbol of physical liberation, of beautiful women reacting to the stern sexual prudery of previous decades by exposing as much skin to the sun as they pleased. Today, as with many iterations of the sexual emancipation rhetoric of the 1960s, wearing a bikini is no longer associated with pleasure and daring, but with anxiety, dieting rituals and joyless physical performance...The bikini body has become cultural shorthand for a moral standard of female perfection whereby any physical flaw should be regarded as a source of shame, an obstacle to collective fantasies of glamour and happiness.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Fox Scarf
Would you wear this? I don't know if I would, but I kind of like it. It's silly, yet practical. It is a bit expensive though.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Halloween Costume
Saxon Halloween 2007, originally uploaded by alida saxon.
It's October, time to start thinking about Halloween costumes! If you use the internet fairly regularly you may recognize "helmet cat." I found this picture of a costume based off of it, and thought it was funny and clever. Kind of geeky too.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Doughy Zooey
Monday, September 14, 2009
Smarty Pugs?
I really love the website Mod Cloth. They have really cute vintage-inspired clothing.
I was browsing the site today when I encountered their new section, "Smarty Pugs." I find it sort of funny, but mostly disturbing. As the website puts it, "Look as brilliant as these geniuses with thought-provoking frames." I will agree that the photos are thought-provoking.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Girls With Antlers?
Have you noticed all the clothes, prints, movies, and books featuring girls with antlers? I tried to research it online, but only found blog postings that pondered the same thing. Then I found the Wikipedia article on Cuckold. According to the article,
In many countries "horns" are a metaphor for suffering the infidelity of a partner, not limited to husbands in modern usage. The gesture of the horned hand can be used to insult the cuckold.
For more information you can read about the seventeen century French print The celebration of the Order of Cuckoldry before the throne of her majesty, Infidelity.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Sunshine Cleaning
A cute and quirky movie. I expected a comedy and it was somewhat comedic at times, but I felt that it was mostly a "heart-warming" type of film. I love Emily Blunt's style in the movie. I'm totally diggin' the pouf with pigtails. In fact, I think I'll try it today.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Just Thinking
I want to steal this girl's style! It seems like I have been coming up with all kinds of good outfit ideas and I don't have any money to make them happen.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Colorful Makeup is OUT!
Sure it looks good in editorials, but it's kind of ridiculous to wear to the mall. Go natural for summer.
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