VHS

VHS, originally uploaded by Hollis Brown Thornton.

While browsing through some videos

H: Do you have a VHS player?
C: Yeah.
H: Wait, VHS player. . . that's not right. What are they called?
C: A VCR.

Just in case anyone else forgot.

In Portland, you can put a bird on something and call it art!

Prints for sale on Etsy!, originally uploaded by acoate.

While walking by a cocktail waitress wearing a thong.

H: Put some pants on!
C: Put a bird on it!

All Work and No Play

The Overlook Hotel, originally uploaded by PegaPPP.

M: Do you want to be a caretaker?
H: Like at the Overlook Hotel?
M: Yeah, there's an estate in McCloud that needs someone. I saw it in the paper yesterday.
H: Can live there and go crazy?! I totally want to do that!

Outside the Gay Bar

Justify my love, originally uploaded by Simon Pais.

Leaving the bar after refusing to dance

J: I can't believe you won't dance. You are a travesty!  (Turning and addressing the group of men outside) She is a TRAVESTY!

Men: No, she's not. She is a beautiful woman.

(haha!)

Summer School

spins madly, originally uploaded by shawnisabelle.

Noisy people are talking outside the classroom.

Professor: (opens door) Sorry to be a bitch, but get the hell away from my classroom!

Gift Giving

, originally uploaded by jackson eaton.

At a party discussing a raunchy, politically themed gift.

Old Man: Where did you get it?
K: At the adult book store.
Old Man: Oh, what were you doing there?
K: I was looking for a blow up doll for a gag gift.
Old Woman: What? What was he there for?
Old Man: A BLOW JOB!

Paying the Builders

, originally uploaded by Maren Celest (Archive).

From inside the house, we watch two men finishing build the pool house. The builders have been working for four hours in the rain. As, the job comes to a close, we discuss paying them.

M: Who do I make the check out to?
H: That one man has been smoking the entire time!
N: Make it out to Marlboro.

Supportive Parents

, originally uploaded by bee hives.

At home
H: I think I need to get a job.
M: Can't you sell your photos online or something?
H: I don't know. I don't think anyone would want to.

Lost Dog

Autumn Baldur, originally uploaded by Tiril Hauan.

Calling the phone number on a dog's collar.
Anonymous: Hello?
H: Hi. Do you own a golden retriever?
A: Yes.
H: I found your dog.
A: I didn't know he was missing.
H: Yeah, I found him running in the street.
A: Are you sure it's my dog? Is he wearing a red collar?
H:  . . . uh, yeah.
A:  Oh. . . well, can you drive him to my house?

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Education and Career Training

My Poems Keep My Mind Unempty, originally uploaded by Poems of a selfish record player.

In a Psychology Class
Teacher: I want you to evaluate this case study. I actually had to analyze this exact one for a job interview.
Girl: Well, did you get the job?
Teacher: Uh, no. . . but I didn't really want it anyway.

Made Me Smile

Bath feet, originally uploaded by Phil Kneen- - -✄- - -.

On the Phone
C: I was thinking about you in the shower last night.
H: Ewwwwww!
C: Not like that!

Bradley

At Home
H:  I'm thinking of moving the hedgehog's cage.
M:  Why?
H:  It's bad enough being a stinky hedgehog, but who'd want to live next to a litter box?

Back to School

In Psychology of Marriage Class:
Guy: . . .[%] of children are illegitimate and 20% of the prison population are from single parent homes.
Teacher: Um, that statistic isn't exactly correct.
Guy: Well, I like Ann Coulter. . .
Teacher: (doubles over in pain clutching stomach) ANN COULTER! YOU JUST STABBED ME!

Weird Conversations: Part 2

, originally uploaded by Dennis..

I meant to write about this conversation earlier and kept forgetting.

After taking a drug test
Woman: (picks up urine sample) Smells like you've been drinking coffee.
H: Yeah. (laughs uncomfortably)
Woman: Must have been good stuff! It smells strong!

Wow, that was an awkward incident. By the way, is that a man wearing a dress with a dog's head in the picture? Either that or she's got some meaty arms!

Strange Conversations

merkley??? - On The Throne and The Phone with a Fake Jew (Sue) Who Gives Merk News of His Two Millionth View and Merk Gives The Loo His Twenty Thousandth Poo and Whoopdee Doo It's All Too True, originally uploaded by merkley???.

The Interview
J: You must have just turned 21.
H: I'm about to turn 24.
J: Really?! You look 15.
. . .You know you will have to dress sexy.

Riding Horses
A: Go stand by your better half.
H: Um, that's my dad.