My Pal the Prostitute Pt. 1

day 354 - I may regret this..., originally uploaded by Amadika.

I was having a bad day. I went home from school early and took a long nap. I woke up still kind of angry and depressed. I really wanted Thai food though, so I called up a friend. We meet up to eat and he tells me about a birthday celebration he is attending that night. It is for his old friend from high school. I agree to go along with him to the bar where it is being held.

We stop by Target on the way there to get the birthday girl a card. While we are there, I ask him what she is like. “She’s a whore” he responds. It isn’t unusual for women to be called whores, but I think it’s inappropriate to call an old friend one and I tell my friend that. “She’s not a whore, but she used to be in porn. Now, she gets paid to attend speed dating events.” WHAT?! People get paid to go on speed dates? I could do that!

We end up picking out a card that, when opened, plays a recording of a man’s voice saying “naughty naughty” along with a spanking sound. After this, we get a little carried away. We decide to get her a gift when we see the edible chocolate body dust in the Valentine’s Day clearance bin. This of course leads us to purchase a scented candle and strawberry flavored personal lubricant.

When we get to the bar, the birthday girl has yet to arrive. Sleazy girls in short party dresses begin to arrive and the music is changed from indie rock to hip hop. There is a blonde girl who is scantily dressed and nearly six and a half feet tall. I suspect that she may have been a tranny. I ask my friend what the birthday girl looks like. He tells me that he has no idea because he hasn’t seen her since high school! A bunch more people crowd into the bar, but he still can’t recognize her. Unsure of what to do, we text her to see if she is in the bar. She is, so we reluctantly approach this strange group of people with the embarrassingly intimate gift.

The birthday girl immediately recognizes my friend and opens her gift. I expect her to laugh or be slightly embarrassed. She is thrilled with the gift and declares that it is just what she needed! She shows it around the bar, then proceeds to give my friend and I each an unpleasant hug which is termed The Breast Press.


(continued in  part two)